Is your child frustrated!
There are times when children tend to get more frustrated, angry, defiant and just don’t do what they are asked to do! As a parent this is NOT FUN!
It usually happens at different points in your child’s development.
Things like when your two-year-old refuses to get dressed and just says “no” whenever you ask them to do ANYTHING!
Or when your five-year-old won’t eat their dinner and no amount of convincing, bargaining or threats seems to motivate them!
Your nine-year-old refuses to help or listen, they just want what they want, they start to withdraw and the more pressure you put on getting them to do something the angrier and more difficult they become.
The 13-year-old that is not engaged in any conversation. They are doing things behind your back, lying and sneaking around or just bored.
These are the many moments in a parents life when you look at their child and they think…what is going on?!! Why has my child suddenly turned into a monster!
Your child might be just trying to communicate that they are more capable then you are giving them credit for. How frustrating is it when someone treats you like you are less competent then you are?
When they hold you back from reaching your potential and expanding into all that you can be!!
Would you feel frustrated, angry or start to shrink away?
I find that whenever there is any amount of frustration, anger, defiance, rudeness … it means that children are ready to level up! They are bursting to be at the next stage, but often as parents we are not aware or aren’t allowing of this, so it builds up and becomes like a balloon… about to burst!
The solution…look at where you can do to allow them to Level up! What are they capable of that you are doing for themselves. Where can you allow them more freedom, more responsibility!?
At 2years this might look like…allowing them to dress themselves, wash their hands, help cook even! Allowing them to do these things on their own (even if it takes them all morning to put on their shoes!), not only boosts their confidence, it teaches them life skills and makes them feel like they have more control. They love control at this age, they want to feel empowered!
At 5years when they don’t want to eat their dinner ask yourself… will they starve if they don’t? Don’t go head to head into battle! They are after more control, more independence why not have them help you cook dinner? What can they be responsible for? Where are you doing things for them that they can really do on their own? Where can you give them more choices?
This might take a bit of letting go as often we do things for our children because we want it done “our way”. But what can we let go of here?
At 9years then moving into the teen years. Children really start to want to emerge from their cocoon. They want to be and express who they are! This can be quite confronting as a parent if you have your mind set already on who YOU want them to be! Often the child won’t want to disappoint their parent by living their truth so there is this inner turmoil and struggle going on for the child. Feeling they should be a certain way to meet the expectations of their parents, peers, teachers and society.
But their soul is yearning to express their truth.
The child wants to explore and express who they are, and the parent wants to protect them from the potential pains of the world. But it is at this time a parent really needs to allow space for them to try things safely and without judgement or ridicule. It is also a great time to show your trust them by giving them more responsibilities. Allowing them choice of what they wear, teaching them to cook, clean, wash their own clothes. And just allowing them room to expand who THEY are.
They won’t always have you around to do things for them, so allowing children to take responsibility, take risks, try things on their own in safe situations will give them the confidence to navigate their future. What risks can you safely allow your child to take?
Before they get old enough to leave the nest. Let’s encourage them to do and be all that they are capable of. It is all about letting them level up at the right time! When they are ready and capable, rather than waiting until they are leaving the nest realising they have never been given the opportunity to learn to fly!
Children want to level up! That is why they get so frustrated when we hold them back.
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